Your Oprah Lightbulb Moment
by TheAuthorx
Summary: It doesn't happen the way you thinks it's going to happen. Forgiveness that is. AU after the episode where he breaks up with Nina.


I hope you enjoy this! Set sometime after he breaks up with Nina. AU as it doesn't follow any episode after that.

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_"No matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off. And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time but you wake up one day and you think... god I really miss curry."_

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It doesn't happen the way you thinks it's going to happen.

Forgiveness that is.

It's not like in all those musicals you've watched or the novels you've read and you think that's why it takes you by surprise.

When she broke your heart all those years ago you really never thought you'd ever be able to look at her again. You honestly didn't think you'd ever want to be able to look at her again. She had taken your heart and deep fried it. That wasn't something you just got over. It was something you held onto and remembered and then found someone better.

The only problem with that is that there is no one better.

She was meant to be perfect and when it turns out she wasn't you didn't handle it very well. Then again how well were you meant to handle the fact that the love of your life, the woman you were expecting to grow old with, to bear your children had been fucking her ex boyfriend.

A snide little voice in your head tells you that you probably should have let her explain it.

When she comes back those three years later you still don't want to see her. The betrayal is still as fresh as it was the day she told you and you briefly consider running away yourself. Instead you pay 3 million dollars to fire her whenever you want to.

You don't and you don't know why.

You could say its because you're finally doing a show that you can be proud of but deep down you know that isn't true. Yes, you're proud of the show but your not sure whether or not it's enough to face the pain that ensure every time you see her face.

Then you assume it's because of revenge. That small little part of you that enjoyed hitting your father when you were 13 enjoys the metaphorical punches you throw at Mac. You wish you didn't because it makes you sick inside, she's still the only girl you've ever thought of marrying remember, but you do and it's like a drug.

Of course though like all drugs there's a cycle. A cycle that usually screws you over.

You hurt her. You hurt her. She cries. You've hurt yourself.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat. The cycle never ends.

You keep going though because the sick satisfaction you get every time you remind her of what she lost still outweighs the pain you feel every time she looks like you shot her puppy.

Until one day it doesn't and then your really screwed.

Suddenly when she's in the room it doesn't feel like something is sitting on your chest.

Suddenly when she's in the room your world doesn't feel incredibly small with no escape route.

You try to hold onto the hate because for the past 5 years it's all you've known but it doesn't end very well.

For starters it ends with Nina Howard.

Sleeping with the gossip columnist that you thought (wrongly of course) you were changing was not your finest hour. Deep down you know it was all a ploy to stop people from thinking you were in love with Mac.

Of course the same snide voice from earlier is telling you that it was more a ploy to stop you from thinking you are in love with Mac.

Because you can't be. You just can't. You won't allow that to be a thing.

You won't allow it to be the reason that you call her at midnight each night either.

Or the reason you stop dating woman.

Or the reason that you start bring we lunch or coffee or the newspaper.

You just don't allow yourself to believe it.

It doesn't work.

Because as you're sitting at home telling yourself your not upset because you won't be seeing Mac until Monday it hits you.

You've forgiven her.

It's hits you with the strength of a speeding train.

You've completely forgiven her.

She's torn your heart in two and made you question yourself too many times. She's caused heartache, tears and more pain than you ever expected.

Here's the part you missed though; she also found a way to repair all the damage.

Suddenly the phone calls you've shared aren't meaningless and the coffee you drank in her office recently seem like dates and you think you really need to share this revelation with someone.

You need to share it with her.

You love her.

You rush out of your apartment quickly realising that you probably look like a mess.

Your unshaved.

You have bags under your eyes.

You really hope she doesn't care.

You arrive at her apartment quicker than you thought you would. It's a relief. Not because your afraid you'll back out. You want to do this. Need to do it. There is no other option.

Your relived because you really miss her.

You see her every day at work but it's no where near enough.

Of course a part of you knows you could spend every second of every moment with her and that wouldn't be enough either.

It comes with the whole loving her thing.

You take the elevator and suddenly your mind thinks of all the dirty things you want to in here with a her. A sort of twisted to-do list with her body and it's make you smile that those things might be a possibility in a manner of moments.

You knock on the door hard and urgent only remembering the late hour when a concerned Kenzie opens the door.

It's a sign of how far he's come that she now just Kenzie.

He can tells she going to speak or maybe even yell but he cuts her off before she gets the chance.

"We loved each over and then you broke my heart and I was so sure that I loved you anymore. In fact I was sure I didn't. Either way I'm here now, probably too late but here none of the less, to tell you that I do know. I know without doubt that I love you. Only you. I'll always love only you and I'm here at your doorstep at midnight asking you to love only me."

She doesn't answer you straight away and she doesn't answer you in words. Instead you see her take a sigh before she steps forward to claim your lips with her own. It's starts of slow as you both reacquaint yourselves with each other. Before long though muscles memory seems to come to the forefront and your once slow and deep kiss has become frantic and needy.

It's as though there's not enough hours left in the world to kiss her.

It occurs to you that just as you'll feel the need to be with her at all times even when your with her there will never be such a thing as enough of kissing Kenzie.

Forgiveness doesn't happen like you think it was ought to.

It didn't happen during some major life changing event or even when you were with her.

Your Oprah Lightbulb Moment was at home in the dark as you tried to hold onto the hatred.

The hatred that you once thought would last forever is gone and suddenly all you want is what you have right now.

Mackenzie McHale's body pressed against yours as you fight the need for oxygen.

The End.

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So it turns out my body wasn't done being sick yet so lying in bed dying (tonsillitis is a bitch) I wrote this. A little angsty but I get like that when I'm ill. God, I wish Oprah was still on. She was always there for me on sick days...


End file.
